My deadly war fought with Atta Kathi - Covid paridhaabangal

Two years ago, an episode unfolded in my life that I wish I could erase from existence. It was a time when I found myself alone, confined within the four walls of my home, battling an invisible and deadly enemy with futile, unproven tablets. It felt like I was thrust into a war armed with nothing but a flimsy shield, trying to fend off an insidious foe.

I was struck down by the merciless Delta variant of COVID-19. It wasn't surprising, considering I had been taking care of my mom, who had fallen ill with the virus. I stood on the battlefield defenseless, without any armor or shield, as there were no vaccines available back then to protect me.

As the symptoms began to take hold, unbearable body pain overwhelmed me. I quarantined myself, restricting my movements within the confines of those four walls. Each day, filled with hope, I anxiously checked the oximeter for any sign of improvement in my oxygen saturation levels (SPO2). However, to my dismay, the numbers continued to plummet, mirroring the decline of my hope and lung capacity.

Breathing, once an involuntary action, now felt like an enormous task. Simple acts like walking to the attached bathroom seemed like running a marathon. I longed to step outside into the garden and inhale the fresh air, but the fear of unknowingly spreading the deadly virus to my loved ones kept me confined.

Summoning the remnants of my dwindling hope, I mustered the courage to take my bike and rushed to the hospital for a chest scan. To my astonishment, the report revealed the devastating truth: 75% of my lungs were affected by COVID-infused pneumonia. The doctor's urgent plea to admit me immediately left me speechless and bewildered. I couldn't find the right words to express the sheer terror and confusion that engulfed me.

During that period, stories of seemingly healthy individuals succumbing to COVID were rampant. The intensity of the Delta variant was undeniable, and Chennai's hospitals were overflowing with COVID patients. The demand for oxygen beds reached its peak, and the scarcity of oxygen canisters was palpable.

Finally, I reached Parvathy Hospital in Chrompet, where a precious oxygen bed awaited me. The nurse gently assisted me, placing an oxygen tube in my nostrils. In that moment, I experienced the profound significance of breathing with its full capacity. The simple act of inhaling life-giving oxygen felt invaluable, a luxury I had taken for granted.

For five days, I underwent intense treatment, enduring a myriad of drugs and therapies. Slowly but steadily, my SPO2 level climbed to 98. I emerged from the ordeal having lost nearly 10 kilograms within a week. Weak and fragile, I returned home, only to face another 10 days of quarantine and a subsequent 90-day recovery period to regain my pre-COVID state.

Even now, I feel the lingering effects of this bitter episode in my health. I can sense the gaps and deficiencies that remain. I want to extend a sincere apology to my wife for making her life miserable during those three weeks when her sister's wedding was taking place simultaneously. She, too, was confined to a room with our two-year-old son, Aarav. She couldn't physically assist me in any way and anxiously awaited my messages and calls for updates. But I was consumed by my own physical, mental, and moral decline, and I unwittingly ignored her. I deeply regret not handling the situation better and offering support to those who were waiting helplessly outside for my well-being.

I have said sorry countless times, but I know it can never fully compensate for the mental anguish I inadvertently caused. Many of my friends and acquaintances remain oblivious to this episode, unaware of the battle I fought in the shadows. It is the haunting memories captured in Google photo memories that serve as a constant reminder, urging me to pen down this narrative. 

One day, my young son, Aarav, will come across these words and grasp the magnitude of the harrowing journey his parents endured

Are you a parent? A Must read to help your kids shine better.

Today is an activity day in Aarav’s school. It was supposed to be held last week but it was postponed due to harsh weather. We (Parents) get enough reminder from School through GCR as well as in parent app regarding activity’s Do’s and Don’ts.  

We (Myself and Wife) always look forward to having this kind of activity to provide early exposure for Aarav to learn in fun way rather than forced academics. It is heartening to see many such parents think in the same fashion and prepare their kids for such activities. But despite multiple reminders, it is disheartening to see few children came in regular uniform. I feel pity for those kids who missed out a chance to express themselves, be part of the theme chosen, felt odd man out and be perplexed for their parent’s mistake.  

We always see it as odd incident and casually let go giving excuses that Parents might be busy working, or it is common to miss out few. I agree! But we often fail to foresee the psychological disturbances a little kid goes through for such a miss. It could be costly for them, we never know. I am positive that School must be having a backup plan to make those kids be part of the activity.  

To Parents: 

I always hear from fellow parents that they toil hard to make their kid’s life enjoyable. We, as parents, mostly think from an adult perspective on what is good, needed and want for our kids. We often fail to see from our kid’s perspective as we almost forget what it is like being a kid. Kids do not understand the value of money, big school, fancy extracurricular enrollment, and any materialistic possessions. They just want to be free, experimental and explore on their own. We need to strike a perfect balance between asks from both adult and kid’s perspective.  

Parents spend money on buying toys, fancy dress, big schools, and courses to compensate for the time they are sacrificing (not being with their kids) while painstakingly working to earn a better life financially. When money is spent/ invested, it is natural that we expect a return on investment. This induces external pressure on kids to perform better according to their parent’s unrealistic expectation. In this mad race, we often fail to learn the minds of our kids and their struggle. So, to all parents (especially working parents), let us try to understand the world of kids. 

Quality Time: 

Let us spend quality time with them (Not being with them while watching TV/ working while they are busy playing games on smartphones). Quality time is dedicated time slot in a day for our kids with a short/ long term goal. I schedule time slot with Aarav to teach, outdoor game, cycling, to finish homework. I never touch my smartphone while I spend quality time with Aarav. This helps me to understand him better, focus all my energy on him and give him the sense of fulfillment being with dad. In turn, personally I am achieving parenting goals set on my kid through quality time. I have satisfaction of time well spent. 

Personal Time:

 

Every day, before going to bed (15 Minutes Max), I share all my day’s proceedings (Both personal and official) with Aarav. I share all (of course age appropriate) with him (Both success/ failures). I apologize if I misbehaved, explain why I lost my cool, seek his help to prevent from future, ask his forgiveness. Losing temper/ yelling/ beating (occasionally) is so natural when things are going out of control. But mostly kids are in the receiving end just that we are superior to them. This is Power does to human. So, accepting this human flaw, I try to correct it during personal time. Also, I use this as a chance to hear from him about his school activities. Do not expect kids to share all while we don't share ours with them. 

Checklist:

 

Prepare a schedule for the entire week and have a checklist of mandatory lists to accomplish. Example, Sight words to be completed, Home work to be completed, Writing practice, Reading practice, Coming Friday is an activity/ color day, Blue color dress on activity day. Need to prepare content for speech (Use Quality time for practicing the speech). Keep this checklist in a prominent space where you can see it on a day-to-day basis. A checklist like this would act as reminder. We shall even set reminders in our smartphones.  

Journal: 

Start writing journal in an excel sheet about your kids. I started doing this since 2020 about the notable milestones (Both physical and cognitive), appreciation, bad days. I also jot down incidents where I beat Aarav with short descriptions, time of incident and alternate actions that would have prevented this incident. According to the study, our self-control will deplete (Ego depletion) with time. My Journal proved this theory as I could see that I lost self-control only after 8PM IST. I am being extra cautious now after finding this pattern. This Journal will be your time-machine to travel back to see your kids journey and perfect tool to retrospect if needed to correct your parenting style.  

Parenting is a lifelong journey. We are all new to this role and we cannot copy our parent’s style as it is outdated in this digital age. Hence, we need to constantly upgrade ourselves, share with fellow parents to learn/ relearn/ unlearn from others. Connect with us to share your parenting style/ hiccups. Let us march together to raise our kids better. Share your thoughts in comments!

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Why do Kids lie? How to tackle when our kids lie to us?

Lying is the natural process like crawling, walking and speech. It is an important milestone in a child’s cognitive development. Fun fact, we should actually celebrate when our kids start lying. Punishing for attaining such important milestone is like punishing for taking baby steps. Having said this, we should also inculcate the importance of Truth, morality and Honesty. So, it is a challenge for parents, isn’t it? So, Get ready for important learning in parenting.

Let’s proceed further with an imaginary situation.

Tomorrow is your kid’s birthday. You are planning to throw a memorable party by inviting all dear and near ones. Highlight of the day is going to be the Birthday Cake. Hence huge effort & time had been invested in designing and getting the cake to your house. To your dismay, your kid opened the cake box and tasted the mouthwatering cake out of temptation. You found this now and furious about it. Your kid lie to you out of fear. How do you handle such situation?

Before you proceed reading further, what would be your reaction?

Why kids lie? List of possible reasons:

1)      To avoid fear of getting punishment

Solution: Acknowledge their feelings. Give them sense of feeling that they can open up anything freely to parents so that they won’t be prejudice and mad at them.

Eg: Yes! I understood that it is tough to resist. Even I did this mistake when I was young. I hope you won’t be doing this in future.

2)      To avoid being accused

Solution: Describe what you see rather than accusing them. Make sure that there is no room left to lie.

Eg: I see cake piece missing from the Box. I and mom didn’t have it. So how this magically disappeared?

3)      To avoid embarrassment

Solution: Feeling Guilty is the best punishment one can give for their bad deed. Describe them how do you feel?

Eg: I’m upset that my plan has been collapsed. I planned whole week for this event and I am extremely sad that this didn’t go my way.

List of Pre-planning to avoid such incidents:

1)      Problem Solving: Expect the future and plan accordingly

Eg: It would be very tempting to taste the cake. You know very well that it should be opened in front of guests. In case if you feel tempted, let me know. We shall plan something about it.

2)      Adjust Expectations: Manage the environment rather than the child

Eg: Bring the cake when kids are not around and keep it out of their reach.

3)      Give them responsibility:

    Brief them the purpose of getting Birthday Cake and assign them responsibility to take care of Cake.

    Eg: We need to cut this cake in front of guests and you are going to distribute pieces when friends come over. So I am putting you in-charge of saving cake from others opening the box before the event.

It is very hard to resist the temptation and expect kids to behave as adults is surreal. It’s all natural process, be it telling lies, temptation to taste, yielding to pressure/ pleasure and so on. So we as parents need to accept this natural process and act accordingly without tarnishing their image or accusing them when they do something ethically wrong. We need to help our kids to face this tough challenge and let them know we understand how they feel and show them how to make amends.

Having read this, let’s be practical too. It is not easy to follow the above said points in all occasions. We will be losing our cool at times when things go against our expectation. But once we come back to our senses, it is essential that we need to sit with our kids and explain why we lost our temper and apologize. Brief them how you felt and be vulnerable. Kids learn seeing us and try copying us. Let us be their role model rather than preaching them boring moral values.

It is easier to be courageous when there’s hope of redemption! Let me know in comments, how did you handle your kids when they lie to you? Happy Parenting! 

Reference: Joanna Faber & Julie King

A Slim difference - A toolkit to enhance our life

Life is to live not barely survive. Who doesn't want to live their life? There are some delusions and myths around us which stay as hurdles to march forward. Sadly people won't realise these traps unless they really interested to lead meaningful life and make constant genuine effort for the same. They go down as well as pull their near and dear ones with them. 

I thought through some points which have slim difference between them that paved the way for misconception. These are all subjective and can be realised only through deep thoughts. If one wants to be better than yesterday, this post is for them. Here is the list of some common confusing qualities which requires rational thinking to see through reality. Qualities mentioned in left are to enhance our life and in right may seem easy and convincing but pull us deep down. Simply to put, right is dangerous (pun intended).

Spiritual - Religious

Practical - Optimism/ Pessimism

Respect – Worship

Studying - Reading

Wisdom - Knowledge

Goal - Passion

Parenting - Baby sitting

Discussion - Argument

Concern - Complaint

Listen - Hear

Understanding - Knowing

Acceptance - Adjustment

Character - Attitude

Love - Lust

Dependent - Slave

Asset - Liability

Risk - Foolishness

Need - Luxury

Calculative - Fear

Eagerness - Curious

Sharing - Preaching

We - I

Rights - Freebies

Obey - Pushover

Inspiration - Priming

Leader - Boss

Friend - Colleague

Earn - Get

Let me know more in comment section if you can add to this list to make our life peaceful.

2020, best year in my life! A quick recap.

2020 is the best year in my lifetime thus far. Dumb isn’t it? Calling 2020 a best year. 2020 certainly being a disastrous year for many due to obvious reasons (Pandemic – Covid19), we always fail to look at the silver lining in any situation. Fortunately I guess, I quickly adapted to this untoward situation and I wanted to freeze certain things that I had done in this year through this blog. Let me take you all for trip down memory lane of my special year 2020. Here we go!

Why special?

“I don’t have time” is the common phrase probably used by all at some stage of our lives. Everybody has 24 hours per day but only few using it wisely and climbing up the ladder and shining bright in their lives. It is all about priorities and effective time management. “I don’t have time” is the easiest way to shun responsibilities or possibilities of exploring new things in one’s life, similar to famous quotes of 2020 “Act of God” or “Warning from God”. Here I am not quoting these phrases as an agnostic person. I just see people’s lame excuses to hide their inability by hiding behind the invisible God. I only feel sorry for God if one exists in reality and plead mercy on behalf of them for their ignorance.

“I don’t have time” is the proxy for “It seems tough to try” or “I don’t want to invest effort to learn” and also it is simple to convince others without explaining much. In 2020, I bravely attempted few things which I never did in my life and I hope I utilized my WFH (Work from Home) spare time (Travel time to office) to my fullest satisfaction.

Half Marathon (HM): My first Half Marathon and probably the last one. Running Marathon is not a joke and arguably one of the toughest sports in world considering its duration, discipline in sleep, food and training. I never dreamt of taking up running for fitness and in 2020, I had completed HM. Certainly feel surreal now. I decided to keep my running distance within 10K in future considering above said prerequisites.

Kural of the day: It was my long time pending wish and had attempted few times earlier but failed. In 2020, I tried differently with meme for easier understanding. Idea is to do self-check whether Thirukural is really a universal scripture (Ulaga Podhumarai). I started translating one Kural a day, selected Kural to match current affairs and trying to add tint of science/ psychology to it (whatever I know). Most of the time goes into thinking of relevant meme to make it fun. I had translated over 300 couplets thus far and hope I will continue to finish the entire book.

Let’s Learn – Kelvi: Started my dreamy book club to share knowledge with dear and near ones to build rational thinking community. Successfully completed 6 online KT sessions thus far and here is the link forYouTube channel.  The name of this club KELVI is borrowed from Thirukural and idea is to spread basic awareness on all basic needs. Thanks to my dear friend Sadesh for joining with me in this community building journey and I thoroughly enjoy our daily conversations related to the books which we read. We had covered History of mankind, Future of mankind, Acid Base balance and importance of sleep and Thirukural. I truly believe that Learn, Unlearn and Relearn are key for sustainability and possible only through bookreading.  

Importance of parenting: Parenting plays a key role in building scientific, rational thinking and secular community. Parenting is skill to acquire with deep understanding of kid’s psychology and following it patiently.  I am fortunate to learn basics of such kid’s psychology from altruistic Dr. Arul Saravanan and I am confident that I shall raise Aarav better to serve the society fruitfully. I wish to travel and learn more from sir and share my learning with friends.

Boobu Baba: My newly found alter ego who is spreading gyan in Whatsapp status and FB timeline to spread awareness on random topics and shooting relevant but disturbing questions to common man to read their mind. Often earn yelling/ silence rather than convincing answers to the questions.

Personal time with family: Thanks to the curfew for giving opportunity to spend time continuously with my wife and son. Ever since I got married, we had been leading nomad’s life as she is pursuing her PhD away from home. Due to WFH option and closure of college made the trick and savoured every moment with family though completely locked in home. Thanks to Priya and Aarav for allowing me to spend my time on above said activities.

Blogging: Resuming blog was my 2020’s resolution and started off the year with a blog post describing about my Debut Half Marathon experience. I would say 2020 started off with bang and now finishing it with eight blog of this year. Not bad isn’t it?

Let me end this recap post with the 2021 resolution. Though I started 2020 with HM, later I took a pause in running due to Covid19 situation. But I am thinking to resume road running in coming days. And I wish to upgrade my technical skills (AI) to stay relevant in future. Thanks for staying in this trip till end and I hope you had fruitful 2020 and I wish all Happy New Year.

Do you know, what is the cheapest and most attractive item to have in your showcase?

Showcase is the important place in one’s dreamy house. I couldn’t recollect a single house without one. Mostly, it would be in the prominent place such that it would be the first thing your guests will notice. As name suggests, it is the spot where we keep achievements/ mementos to show others, most valuable items which would tell us story, take us a trip down memory lane like time machine to savor those moments and to display other showpieces which we would have collected over the years through travelling or gifts.

First impression is the best impression. Showcase is definitely an important space in our home and we all would have tried to keep it more attractive as possible to please our guests as it would narrate them about us and our living. Many would go extra mile to decorate their living room by buying expensive, antique items to stay unique. In this post, I would give you a tip to decorate your showcase with cheap but highly valuable item which would attract everyone’s attention.

As the cliché goes, Books are our best friends. Books fulfil the definition of a true friend. It will always be there for us when we needed the most to help us find the solution for troubles. It will enrich us with multiple perspectives and influence us to see the world much better shunning all beliefs and faiths. It won’t question us but make us to question all to seek answers within for worldly questions. And last but not least, it would help us to grow smarter.

These are not new findings about books and we all are aware of these facts. It is easily available for cheaper price.  So what are you waiting for? Start piling up this magical item in your showcase. Let it attract the attention of guests to have high opinion on you. This may also inspire them to take up books to excel in their life.

Let’s learn from baby! Things to learn from Babies.

Before you judge me, this post is not about any Thirukural. Don’t worry, I won’t bore you.

Ever since I translated this Kural, I was thinking to pen down about things to learn from baby. This post is about inbuilt qualities that I observed from Aarav (Son) and I wish to implement those in my lifestyle. As a parent, I should teach and nurture my son to adapt to this external world. But while doing so, I noticed many things to learn from him before I actually corrupt (You read it right) him. Thanks to Pandemic for giving me precious timeframe to be in home, to be with family totally locked up, to do things which I never dreamt of and I will dedicate an individual post for thanking 2020. Strange isn’t? Thanking 2020! Don’t curse me, I blame 2020. It’s totally a strange year for all. So hop in for learning.

Fresh Day:

Every day is a fresh day for Aarav. The moment he wakes up from slumber, he lights up the world without any worries, regrets, deadlines and predetermined thoughts. He doesn’t understand weekdays, weekends and holidays. It is unnecessary to learn the difference as he sees each day as fresh day. With this open mind, he starts the day brightly to have fun. He is having fun while playing, learning, exploring, eating and talking. He does everything for fun.

Are we embracing each day as fresh? We easily reach the peak dopamine in all our work. Be it cooking, office work, parenting, studying and daily chores. We are tired of doing routine work again and again over the period of time. We lack the ability to see newness in those daily activities rather we do it under compulsion for money, society and illogical norms. That’s why wise advise us to start the day with exercise/ Yoga to keep our mind fresh and blank. But we set target in exercise too using stupid apps and add more stress. We do things copying others blindly or fall for consumerism whereas Kids do just to please themselves.  

The Boss Baby:

Babies, do as they please, be happy in their own little beautiful world, carefree attitude, shameless to cry to get the job done, clever to seek the attention, eager to learn new things, fearless to face the challenge, daring to attempt after failure, eat when they hungry, sleep when they tired and forgive when others hurt them.

Can we see any sorts of negativity or stupidity here? That’s the hallmark of babies. They are so liberal in their philosophy. It’s we who influence them through flawed religious, social and philosophical views. I strongly believe that if anyone does wrong deed then it’s their parent’s fault. Because babies can’t be wrong, they are only guided wrong.

Happy world:

Babies do things just to be happy, as simple as that and they find happiness in all silly things. Recently Aarav found his peak happiness when I bought him 1 Rupee Balloon, allowed him to play in mud, gave him broken chalk piece to scribble on wall and allowed to drench while drizzling. Silly for me but he found happiness in those silly things. Priceless (Price Less) isn’t it?

On contrary, we adult buy them costly toys when they have ability to find happiness in all things. Give them comfort like AC rooms when they don’t complain sleeping without it. Put them in international school and pressurize them through online class when they have ability to learn on their own. Recently I got to know that schools which are not conducting online classes are termed as useless. We are giving them comfort, ruining their natural ability, corrupt them with our desire for fake status and later whine about their behaviour.

Compassionate:

As I said, Aarav starts the day fresh without any regrets or stress. He forgives me immediately whenever I scold or hit him. So cruel isn’t it? Yes, He struggles because of my impatience, arrogance and ignorance. At times I lose my temper when he does things against my will and I apply supremacy to supper his liberal views. Yet, he forgives within a minute and rush to me without any ego to appease me. He took the hit, forgave and appeased me without any fault on his side.

Can you find any adult in this world with this quality? Let me know if you know one. May be we should use time machine to visit Buddha to see this trait. Babies are the epitome of compassion. They not only forgive us but also live with us without any regret.

Calculative:

Aarav is extremely choosy when comes to share his love. He won’t mingle with strangers readily rather take his own sweet time to analyse them with his capacity and build rapport with them if he wants. People call him introvert, but I see him as calculative.

It’s okay to have wait game rather to share our precious time & energy with undeserved. We adult usually do this without any second thoughts and later crib about betrayal or whine about disappointment when we fail to receive love from other side.

Innocence:

Whenever he farts, I never missed the chance to ask him, who did it? Aarav with pride face, He admits with the big smile ‘Aaavuu’. He is yet to learn the act of lying from me. He is so pure and never bothers about fake status, dignity, class, place and time. He speaks truth innocently, no prejudice thoughts, favouritism and mainly no gossiping.

He is going to learn all these ill traits eventually from me and society in coming days. But these are root causes for all our miseries and I am daring to teach Aarav having knowing this truth. Cruel isn’t it? Hey!  Don’t blame me, I blame this flawed society. Because I am adult and I am cunning. I am Boopathi, Not Aarav.   

Parenting:

So we can conclude that all babies are pure with exceptional inbuilt characters. As we grow old, we need to add more values to these inbuilt characters rather than depreciate those. But we stopped learning, started believing random morning Whatsapp quotes, forwards, YouTube Vloggers, self-proclaimed scholars, fell for advertisement and fake lifestyle. We started lying, hiding secrets from dear ones fearing prejudice, fearing failures due to social pressure, believing unknown God without taking the chances and exploring, sacrificing health to amaze materialistic possession, taking tremendous stress for unknown future sacrificing present, keeping grudge on others due to ego and finally blaming politicians to hide our incompetency.

I started off with the note that this post is not about any Kural. Actually I lied, I am adult you see. I summarized many couplets with this post and according to me renunciation is nothing but going back to childhood. To achieve this, likes of Valluvar and Buddha advised us to renounce all desires. There is no doubt about it. But my view is why to adapt desire while growing up and renounce it later to achieve peace? Call me ‘Boopha’ and that’s my spirituality. If you read this line, I deceived you all to hear my spiritual view. Ever wonder why saints leave their family to discover self? It's because all should be in same page to achieve a common cause. So good parenting will happen only if both partners comes to a term and accept to this view whole heartedly. 

Jokes apart, Kids are born with pure positive thoughts. Good parenting is to prepare healthy atmosphere for kids to enrich their inborn traits for their betterment and for society as well. It is myth that giving them comfort, buying them costly things and enrolling them into international school is good parenting.

Conclusion:

I finish the long post with this disclaimer that I am not wise guy. It is unfortunate that I need to disclose this disclaimer every time I share my view to dodge other’s prejudice mentality. Having observing these skills from Aarav, I yet to implement these in my life. I only wish to adapt these in my life style and wanted to share it with you all so that it will be helpful for few. So let us try to allow them to learn on their own, let’s give them healthy atmosphere to explore more and leave better future for them. Thanks all for your patience and let me know your thoughts and feedbacks in comment section. Let’s learn together and build better future. 

Metrics in Life, a confused thought!

What is metrics?

It became one of my habits now to start any conversation with a question. Many are finding it annoying or seem to be bossy to them. I totally get it. But I firmly believe that questioning makes me to understand a concept well. It helps me to self-evaluate my level of knowledge on particular topics so that I could invest time and energy accordingly to learn more. That’s exactly the concept of metrics. It is a tool to gauge any process to monitor and evaluate to reach the desired mission.

So metrics is good. It is essential and largely acceptable when it comes to business. Metrics are discovered mainly to monitor and drive a business in a uniform way across the globe. There are many metrics out there to measure various activities and I am not going to bore you all by listing all those. This post is about, will such metrics are needed to measure success of an individual?

I am done with discussing or debating about worldly topics or politics which as an individual we don’t have even slightest impact by doing so. By seeing the current affairs, at times I doubt the concept of democracy too. So it is practically we need to think and discuss about the topics which we have control to build better individual, family and society rather than whining about larger than life stories. So let’s discuss about few Metrics which are famous, agreed across the globe and followed but I have problem with those. Thanks to Prof. Yuval for the insights and helping me to think over these topics.

Life is once and we need to make use of it at most to lead happy, comfortable and meaningful life. There is no right or wrong, having said this we are bound to live with few parameters, laws, ethics and virtues. These are all man made and subject to change constantly.

Grades/ Marks in education:

I am not going to bore you with history/ evolution of Grade system in education. But it is widely accepted metric to evaluate one’s academic/ intellectual proficiency. I still remember the list of students who were celebrated as top performer in school & colleges and also list of students who were depreciated as low performer. Throughout my academia right from KG till Engineering, this culture of Gradeism prevailed. Seriously I call it as Gradeism. How different it is from Casteism? Continuous discrimination based on marks/ grades from few gifted students who may be good at grasping concepts well or memorizing the contents or privileged to study without any trouble at home. There are many aspects to be considered when a student is performing low in studies. Do schools are equipped with proper infrastructure? Have qualified teachers who know concepts as well as student’s psychology? Do they have counsellor to understand student’s problem to guide them in right path? Do government making policy with right set of wise people? The common answer is NO.

So as I told at the start, we as an individual don’t have say in this matter. We are bound to live with this metrics of Grade system. One needs Good marks in school to get into prestigious institute. One need good marks to get into prestigious firm for employment. One need good marks to be recognised as top performer. There is no proper system to evaluate the real potential of an individual and with this gap we as parents imposing enormous pressure over our kids and pushing them to run in a rat race blindly without understanding the goal. Goal is to live happily. Goal is to learn in school/ college not memorizing the predefined content. We should be clear with our goal and need to have practical way of parenting to reach the same in unfair environment. Though it is true that good marks yield better life but we should remember that this is not the only way to achieve success. Just think of those people who were belittled by the above said discrimination. All would have been in different sectors and many would be doing well with their jobs. So MARK is not the end. Let’s stop putting pressure on our kids and I hope that this grade system may be eradicated in future. What’s the alternative? Let’s discuss.

GDP (Gross Domestic Product):

Don’t be worried that I am going to explain what is GDP and formula to arrive the numbers. Frankly, I too don’t know the exact math behind this. On high level, GDP is the metric to evaluate the economic growth of any country. With this one liner, we shall discuss about my problem with this metric. GDP is very powerful tool that all policies of a country would be in a way linked with this metric. It is the widely accepted metric to showcase the success of a country in global arena. More the GDP, more the growth of a country. But who is the real beneficiary of this metric is the problem. Personally, when India was doing well with GDP earlier I didn’t feel any improvement or benefit but on contrary, I am facing the heat when India’s GDP is abysmally low now. Strange isn’t it? As a tax payer (Both direct and indirect), I don’t enjoy any cushion right now. I may be naïve, please enlighten me in comment section if I am wrong, I would happily learn from you.

GDP is clearly missing the real goal here. If a country is doing well (High GDP), people should be happy living in the country. If a policy is framed to achieve good GDP, then people should embrace those policies which in turn are going to make them happy. But is that case? I could see protest in all sectors and misery in major portion of country. So what should be the alternate metrics to gauge the success of country? One most talked metric is GNH (Gross National Happiness). It is the tool to evaluate well-being of country’s citizen. With this metric, where do you see India in the world map? Just imagine the policies and attitude of politician if such metric is in place to measure the success of a country?

Financial Status (Loan and EMI):

Consumerism is the most successful religion in the world, according to Prof Yuval. Capitalism and consumerism go hand in hand. Capitalism produces goods and Consumerism helps in selling those goods. One cannot survive without other. Why consumerism is most successful religion? Why it is termed as religion. The only agenda of consumerism is to make others buy things even if it is totally unnecessary which is exactly what people are doing religiously. We often fell for advertisement, tag lines and social pressure to buy things without necessity. Banking helped for this success hugely. Credit cards, Loans and EMI are the honey trap devised for us and many got trapped.

Financial status is the metric which measures an individual financial success. The common question that we get when we attend any function or party from others is where do you live? How did you reach here? Car or bike? If car, what model it is? We are judged by our attire, jewels, perfume, watch, smartphone, car model, size of home and many more. It is endless, seriously endless. So in order to achieve this success we again fell into trap of HARD WORK, extending our work time, working away from family ignoring health. The modern morning wishes which we get daily in our Whatsapp are also product of Consumerism. ‘Life is short, live your life’, ‘Go chase your dream’, ‘Life is once, enjoy to fullest’ and many more. These quotes may look legit and sensible but it is also trap laid by monsters. What is Goal here? Goal is to live happy and comfortable life. Are we happy by getting loan? By Paying EMI for 20+ years? By adding liabilities? Ask yourselves and decide. Are we spending quality time with our family? Are we guiding our kids? Are we pursing our passion? Are we learning daily? Let’s ponder.

TRP (Television Rating Point):

TRP is a metric to measure a television program success based on viewers count. Higher the viewers, higher the TRP, higher the success. Television is the most used device for entertainment and informational purposes. With this metrics, the content of programs/ NEWS are of low quality and mostly in line with mood of the viewers. They are all playing with human psychology rather than airing quality or trustable information. Fake news, third graded/ gossip contents, spreading hatred and fixed sports are all by-product of TRP. But unfortunately we (many) choose this stupid box for our entertainment as well as information gathering purpose which were thoroughly been exploited by politicians and businessmen.

Conclusion:

If you are reading this line, big Thanks from my side for patiently reading my long perspective. Having said this, I am not against any of these metrics. I am confused. Are these metrics meeting the desired Goal? Are we happy and successful? It is definitely subjective. We cannot measure ourselves using a single metric. We are not a product or mechanism to monitor using these metrics. But sadly we are bound to follow these. The agenda of this post it to do self-introspect about these metrics. We need not to fall for these traps and social pressure. Let’s analyse well and live our life meaningful. Let me know your thoughts.  

Thirumurai Thirumanam - A complete wedding

Tamil wedding is unique function filled with tradition, embracing rituals and practices mentioned in sacred ancient Tamil literature (roughly 2500+ years ago). Rituals vary from community to community but base remains same. Having said this, many started adding fun events in their wedding now with tinges of the modern era.

This post is about my wedding which I truly & thoroughly enjoyed and I wanted to freeze those moments in words on account of my third wedding anniversary. How different it is from rest of the Tamil wedding? I promise you that I am not going to bore you by explaining Tamil tradition and rituals. Join me and I will take you further.

My dream about my dreamy wedding:

Wedding is the most important event in one’s lifetime. Getting married is the huge phase of anyone’s life and wedding is the celebration of commitment between bride & groom and union of two families. Everyone would have dreamt about their own wedding. How bride/ groom would be, list of events, arrangements, music, dress to the big occasion, food menu and so on. So I too had wishes.

Before revealing those wishes, i would like to remind viewers that I used to do wedding photography (BestFrame Factory- BFF). I had done this passionately for 5 years and covered close to 60 weddings. I had been to different varieties of Tamil weddings, few Telugu, Kannada, Malayalam and Hindi (Delhi) wedding. So I had seen enough to choose the best from those weddings that suits my interest to have in my D-Day.

To list few of my wishes:

• Reception dress of both Bride and Groom. And I exactly selected what I had in my mind.
• Food menu. I am not a big fan of Buffet and multiple variety dishes. Again this too happened as I wished and food was super hit in my wedding.
• Music at reception event. I even prioritized list of Musical bands and was particular about choice of songs. I will talk about this wish later in the post.
• Honeymoon spots and obviously booked where I wanted to be.
• Fifth, the most important wish. I wanted to have mantras to be translated in Tamil.

The most important wish:

While doing Wedding photography, I would be the first person to enter the function and last to leave. So I follow and capture all nuances of the rituals. Mantras are the most important aspect in any Hindu wedding and all the practices are performed after chanting Mantras in Sanskrit. I never understood meaning of those and none of the family (Bridge & Groom side) tried to ask Priests who conducted wedding. This is not the case with Christian wedding where one can understand the proceedings happening in the church. Once I causally opened conversation with a priest regarding this and he replied me that none asked for it and also time won’t be sufficient to translate each and every mantra in Tamil.

I always wanted to understand idea behind any activity before I do. But this is individual characteristics of mine and I cannot implement this in mega event like wedding according to my whims and fancies where it is union of two families. Even I talked with my school buddy who learnt Vedas in Kanchipuram and now conducting functions with his own team. He was ready to conduct my wedding in both Sanskrit and Tamil (Translation), if I get permission from all family members and allocate time accordingly. He sarcastically replied and it was way before my family started bride search. So that’s the summary of my important wish to translate Mantras in Tamil so that I get the meaning of those rituals before blindly imitating the priest.

Wish comes true:

Quickly fast forwarding scenes to get to the point. Now Bride search got over and fixed the engagement date. I came to know from my MIL that they are planning to have Odhuvar instead of priest to conduct our wedding and it would be on the principle of Thirumurai. That was the first time I heard such words “Odhuvar” and “Thirumurai”. And she added that they are planning to have Thirumurai Katcheri in reception evening by Odhuvar’s musical team. So bride’s family needs our confirmation to go ahead with their plan. This was huge and I was skeptical at beginning that it is not going to work out.

As I said, I covered multiple weddings during my photography days and even in our family side all conducted wedding with Sanskrit Vedic Mantras. It seemed tough to accept this idea and go different from usual route. Then I asked my MIL to brief about Thirumurai and Odhuvar. Thirumurai is bundle of 12 volumes of songs/ hymns penned & composed by various Saivite poets back in 6^th to 11^th century. Odhuvars are trained professional who sings sacred Thirumurai hymns (Predominantly Thevaram hymns) as musical offerings to the lord Shiva. MIL said rituals would be same but without priest and Sanskrit mantras. I thought it would be like reformist wedding and I was completely taken aback with this wonderful idea.

This is exactly my wish which I longed to have in my wedding. I wished for Sanskrit translation but I was given the choice of Thirumurai Mantras. How could I reject this offer? I explained my family and made sure that they nod positive for this idea. I just remembered Rhonda Byrne’s “The secret” which preached that thinking about certain things without negative thoughts would make them achievable in one's life. I thought of convincing both families to have priest of my choice who can translate mantras in Tamil but surprisingly I came to know about Thirumurai Mantras written exclusively in Tamil and my wedding happened following the same.

And regarding the other wish of mine related to musical band, I was not okay with Katcheri. I was so naïve that time and pleaded my wife many times to drop the plan. I used to mock friends who had Katcheri in their wedding and I couldn’t accept the fact of having one in my own wedding. After multiple requests, I couldn’t do much about it and half-heartedly went with the flow as wedding was organised by bride’s side. To my surprise, Thirumurai Katcheri was super hit and I got calls from many well-wishers about this idea of having Thirumurai recital along with Thirukural explaining various gyan about wedding and back stories related to marital life. Unfortunate that we couldn’t enjoy the Katcheri as we were busy on stage and audio recording of this event also got corrupted.

The D-Day:
Here comes the D-Day. The most awaited event of my life and was so excited to experience a complete Thirumurai Tamil wedding first time that too in my own event. I must say, the experience is surreal. Usually marriage scene would be like this. Priest will chant mantras in unknown Sanskrit language and couples would be copying whatever he asked them to do. People around couple would be hysterically doing their activities known only to them and guests will mind their own business till the main event of tying knot, just to bless them with Akshathai. Then few more rituals will be conducted with empty hall as guests would have gone for breakfast.

But in my wedding, guests were glued to their seats to experience the gyan. Wireless microphones were arranged to broadcast the Thirumurai padhigam (song), Thirukural, its explanations and back story if any. The very first time, all rituals made sense. Wedding started off with Prayer, then gyan about importance of holy fire, water in pots, coconuts, mirror, Navadhanyam (nine sacred grains), lamp, lotus, paddy, Thaali, Valmpuri Sangu and Arasan Kol (bamboo stick).

Thirumurai Mantras were recited to invite various gods for specific reasons to follow certain rituals like the one performed with sumangalis, 7 ladies and followed by offerings to parents (Paadha poojai). Then we both took oath to lead healthy marital life following virtue in the presence of gods, parents and well-wishers. Have you ever seen oath taking rituals in a Tamil wedding? Cool, isn’t it? This followed by the much awaited event of tying the holy knot, Ammi medhithal, Metti and other common rituals. Every ritual performed with Thirumurai Mandhiram and Odhuvar explained each and every nuance of the practices and even he explained why bride should sit left to the groom after becoming wife. It was totally informative and thought provoking event.

The End:
Personally, this was dream come true wedding. Thirumurai principles can be followed in any life events right from birth till death. Isn’t it good to learn practices that our ancestors followed since Sangam era and following it in our life time with understandings rather than mimicking unknown practices in unknown language for the sake of doing it? And if you visit Shiva temples in TN, do not forget to meet Odhuvar to learn history about the temple and hymns sung in those temples by Nayanmargal to make your wish come true. Thanks for reading!